Maturity

I was standing outside my exam room at my university today as a friend bounded up the stairs. We hugged, and I asked what she was doing after the exam and she announced “Oh going to see my boy.” I commented that it “Sounds like you’re dating a 12 year old.” She replied nonchalantly, “Well he acts like it… even though he’s 26.”

In the past 6 months or so a handful of friends of mine have come to grief in relationships dating younger guys.

Things.
Just.
Didn’t.
Work.

Why? Well at the end of the day when we’ve analysed and factor analysed – immaturity and selfishness. Intriguing how those 2 always come hand-in-hand.

Truth is society doesn’t demand maturity. You want to indulge yourself? Why not – after all, the world revolves around you! You want to act that way? Why not – after all you only live once! Sociologists tell us there’s an increasing phenomenon of Gen Ys acting like adolescents till they’re 30, so much so that they’ve coined a new term for them – ‘ADULTESCENTS.’ We’re starting careers later, partying more, studying longer, moving out of home later (then moving back in), marrying later, having children later, getting a mortgage later, even dying later! So what’s the deal? Why am I so petrified of turning 20 next year just because I will no longer be able to use my teenagehood as an excuse for my behaviour? Why is the cessation of the process of continual neuronal myelinisation so scary? (That last question was for all you psychology students out there).

What exactly is this Golden Fleece of maturity?

What does it look like? What is it characterised by?

Previously, whenever I’ve been asked that question, I replied that I’d always considered it synonymous with self-awareness. I realised in pondering that answer sitting in my exam room today that that answer is fallacious, as you can be aware of what is right, and still not do it.

So here’s a new working definition – maturity, at some essential level, is having crossed some arbitrary marker in terms of congruence between thought, belief, values and action. It’s a synergy between cognition and behaviour. It’s a freedom not just from doing what you’re NOT supposed to do; but a freedom to do all that you’re meant to.

I also know this – it’s tied up with selflessness and wisdom. I had lunch with my friend Sophia yesterday and I never cease to be swept away by her poise of carriage and depth of understanding and interaction with fellow human beings.

So here’s the question:

1. What is maturity – how do you characterise it?
2. How do we become more mature?
3. How do we as leaders (and we’re all leaders in some way, shape or form) facilitate maturity amongst the people in our spheres of influence?